A part of my story

A Little Bit About Me

Growing up, I was like many other boys, hiding emotions behind a wall of toughness. I remember once telling my mom I thought I had an ulcer—an unusual admission for me. It turned out that the pain I felt in my stomach wasn’t physical but a mix of anxiety and unresolved trauma. My parents’ relationship didn’t help. They were cold and distant with each other, and the tension at home was palpable. I remember thinking, I don’t want my marriage to ever look like this.

Fast forward to my early years of marriage, and things weren’t as easy as I had imagined. Adding kids to the mix made everything harder. But this was the worst: my wife would give me the look. You know the one—her facial expression and tone that immediately triggered the same anxious knot in my stomach I had felt growing up. My thought was always the same: We are not okay.

My instinct was to get defensive, but eventually, I realized that the only way to "fix" things seemed to be surrendering—validating her feelings while abandoning my own needs, opinions, and emotions. I felt stuck. Small. Worst of all, I felt powerless.

A Turning Point

This cycle went on for years until I began my certification in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). During one of the training sessions, I was asked a question that completely changed my perspective: “Where do you go for care and comfort when Danielle gives you the look?”

That question opened a door I didn’t know existed. I realized that every time I felt triggered, I sought comfort in defensiveness, blame, or withdrawal—or distractions like my phone, the gym, or friends. But none of those things really worked, especially when my wife felt like the enemy in those moments. I could be in the best shape of my life and still feel empty inside.

It hit me: our biological wiring pushes us to seek regulation and repair with the very person we’re in conflict with. My wife, who I emotionally perceived as an enemy in conflict, was actually the one I needed most for comfort and connection.

That realization blew my mind. It also helped me understand that sometimes, when our partner can’t be there for us, we have to learn how to regulate and cope ourselves. That’s what EFT helped me discover—and it’s what I bring to my clients.

Helping Others Through the Process

Many of my clients come to me because they can’t break free from these cycles on their own. The danger cues they send and receive in their relationships are so overwhelming that they need a third party—someone who can help them regulate emotions and guide them toward repair.

From Shutdown to Emotional Wizard

I wasn’t always emotionally tuned in. Growing up, I had no vocabulary for emotions. My biggest fear was letting someone see the pain I felt inside. Like Will Ferrell joked, I learned how to bury my feelings deep down and ignore them. Eventually, I got so good at burying them that even thinking about emotional things left me numb. I shut off the best part of me—my emotional side.

Now, I’ve helped men from all walks of life—firefighters, army vets, and ranchers—learn to reconnect with themselves and others in powerful ways. Every human is born with emotions. The choice isn’t whether we feel them—it’s what we do with them. Do we use them destructively, or do we work through them in ways that strengthen our relationships and our sense of self?

Vulnerability as the Foundation

Here’s the truth: vulnerability breeds vulnerability. When I tried to approach my wife in conflict, my attempts at being vulnerable sounded like blame: “You’re never there for me” or “I never get what I want.” My words came from a victim mindset, and understandably, her defenses went up. That reaction reinforced my belief that she couldn’t handle my emotions or didn’t care. And so, I’d pull away, creating more distance.

But vulnerability is powerful when done right. When a man who tends to withdraw learns how to reach out with true vulnerability, it triggers an automatic response in his partner to offer care and connection. However, if he sends threat cues—through blame or defensiveness—it activates her defenses instead. These cycles happen in split seconds, but they can be transformed.

How Forge Within Can Help

The Forge Within Men’s Group exists to break these cycles. Every client I’ve worked with has faced conflict they couldn’t manage on their own. Vulnerability has often been tied to rejection or pain in the past, leaving them afraid to trust or feel again. But when they learn to approach vulnerability differently—in a safe, guided space—they discover it’s their greatest strength.

Through experiential exercises, emotional regulation tools, and deep connection, men in this group find emotional relief and true bonding. They learn how to feel, how to connect, and how to transform their relationships—starting with themselves.